I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize