I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
