dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
