Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
