Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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