I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
