My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
