My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
