If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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