her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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