Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
