I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
