She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
