at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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