Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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