There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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