u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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