I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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