I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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