My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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