I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
