Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
