Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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