I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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