I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
