you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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