Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
