fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
