we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
