Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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