thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
