i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
