you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
