the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
