sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
