Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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