i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
