if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Randomize
