Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
