Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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