Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
