I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize