You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
