NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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