When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
