wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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