Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
