it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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