Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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