my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
