just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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