I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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