My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
