So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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