i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
