There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
