Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize