How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
