i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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