Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize