drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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