I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
