she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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