Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
only if we run a train.
done.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
