Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
